Deserving

Once in my life I've never been so fall in love to a guy
He makes my life perfect which full of joy and memories
I've learn a lot of things from him
Since ever you have come into my life
It's just so wonderful to have you as my guardian angel

In the time being with you no matter it's tears or joy
I've learn and it's my part of my life
I didn't regret to be with you when the moment I agree

Every single time when I've mad at you my heart pain but then I still act on it
because I know that and I feel that
since when I'll mad at you more than 2 days
my heart is killing softly by you

I know I'm acting like a child in front of you which never been grown up
I'm a girl which do not have comfort when the one who she trusted and love ever is not beside her
She just need a trusted guy to care and love her more which will miss her and call her tell her that baby where are you, I miss you so much

The prefect life that you wanted always will not be what you have expected
It just seems like unperfectly
The expectation will make you more sad sometimes disappointed

I've been a naive girl always thinking that it will be fine
But with the mind to scared of loosing you make it worst
Sometimes I just don't know where to pop out the problem in my mind

I've been tears for these few days of avoiding
As you said, I like to avoid
I know all is my fault
That's all I can said
I'm being too strong to keep smiling in front of my parents and friends when they talk about you

Dear,
All I wan is asking you to be think for me sometimes for what I really hope you can done for me
not because what
It's because I will very happy when u willing to spend your time for me
And it's no doubt that will make me become the happiest person

Maybe is I'm asking too much and push it so hard
I'm sorry
I didn't have other speech which will make this better

Sometimes I'm thinking
I don't even deserve you as my guardian angel
You deserve much more better than me

~Jenny~

My Heart & Soul~

Instead of I'm in love....
I know u love me...
But then I don't know how much u can pay it out...
maybe u will pay it all out...
but I'm asking myself...
how much I can sacrifice for u?
how much love I can really pay it out for u??
is there any incase for me or u?

I know that I'm the one who not supposed to simply think about...
but I can't make it...
u is so honest to me..
u told me everything about u, no matter it is good or bad...
I'll try to accpet it no matter what...
the attitude that u wana to be honest with me instead u know that maybe I'll mad at it.
but till last...
I'll still forgive...
coz I know that u need alot of courage to tell me the truth...
but then u can make it and I really appreaciate it alot...

I'm so touch when u told me that u don't want to have a lie between us...
ya..
i trust u won't lie to me
that is why I've put all my trust into u
and u promise that u won't let me down
you'll give all u have
U know how i feel when u tell me that
I'm so touch...I wana to cry
coz I know that u willing pay it out for me

for now...
I've try so long to have a wonderfull moment with u...
but...seems like there still a gap between u and me...
maybe is my problem....
but then when I found out I still don't know how to face it...
maybe there is no problem but I've make that problem out...
I really no idea what's happening to me....

before and after....
it really shows the differeces...
is the same things I've being thinking about is from before till after....
I have no idea that whether it is a problem between us or not...
but then...I mind it...and I've think alot on that...
yet, there came out another problem
jelousy...
its make me feel worst
even I know it's nothing and just friends only
but there still a jelous felling on me....

these few days I really no idea what is on my mind
just a non stop thinking for nonsense
I'm so so so sorry...
I really don't know what had happen to me
I just hope everything will be fine
and I just can keep asking myself nt to think too much....

everything will be fine right?
just it takes time isn't it?
I've give you a half me,
would you mad at me not to give the other half of my heart to you?
I'm so scare coz you are my 1st love
I scared to be hurt,being used...
and all the things was happened so fast...too fast
but then I can tell u that I din regret in anything that I've paid out.
I didn't regret in anything....
forgive me for being so selfish my dear
but I'll try my best to give a whole me to u
I promise you~
~I LOVE YOU~

~JeNnY Ai~

Betray....

Have u ever have a feeling that u put all ur hearts to treat ur fren...
U have trust ur fren...and willing to do anything for it...
And at last..u just let that so called "fren" betray u..

Whenever as I'm treating a fren...
I will truly treat them as my good fren and with fully heart...
Whoever want to believe it or nt...is up to u all..
But 1 things that I really can't accept it is...
As fren....they didn't trust me at all...

1st...if u really choose dont want to believe me thn it is ur problem...
if u ardy choose nt to believe thn dont ask me anything about it...
instead there will be an argue of it...
who really can accept that u hav told the truth and ur fren just shoot u like u is the one who always lying behind thm...

2nd if u choose to trust the gossip and the other so called "fren" tell u about me..
thn u just trust it and dont ask me....
instead u ardy believeing what u wana to beleive....
in fact that....as fren to fren...
u pick to trust the stupidness of the gossip and dont trust about the truth...

how sucks is life whn there is rumours around u....
best fren spreading rumours about u...??
hw sucks is it??

My fren....
if u really betray me...
u just lost a good fren....
and, u will truly feel what u hav done to me 1 day...
same like others..
what u have done, u will face it 1 day....
just the time sequence...

I'm so hurt and tired that fren have betray and dont trust me...
how u think I'm??
is not important for me...
hw u treat me??
u will hav the same treat too....

I just feeling tired of hating...
bt not protecting myself...
u will never want to see an evil me....
never....

~Jenny Ai~

The Truth Soul~

I don’t know how I felt now…

I’m sick, tired, exhausted, sad, hurt….

I’ve been cry for sometimes…

Coz I’ve trust everyone beside me,

But things not seems like everyone trusted you…..

Sometimes the fact will let the guess to cover it,

No one will see the fact and know about it….

People just try to guess depend on what they can think…

Lot of feeling come at once…

Can I hold it??

I’ve asked myself….

Am I tough enough to face it at the same time???

First of all I wanna to thanks to my friends….who really stand by me when I’m sad.

Thanks to you my dear Ah Fu~XD

I really touch and happy that you have been always standing with me no matter what…

All these days long, you have support me….convince me that don’t be sad….

And 1 more things, no matter what u teach me a lot of things….

I really don’t know how to say….but for me the things that you have done to me for helping me for these all way long,

It really works….

Thanks for u thousand times also no use but I also wana to say THANKS~^^

Secondly, for my dear lovely roommate Chia Wei~

I really don’t know how to say it…

But same as Ah Fu,

You have really helped me a lot…

Always listen whenever I’m sad…

How lovely you willing to spend your time to listen what I’m mourning about…

Lolx~maybe it will be boring for you coz seems like I mourn at you almost everyday..

I’m sorry about that but after talking to you it seems better for me….

Really thanks for you….

I really touch to have your friend like you….

You care about me, taking care of me….

I’ve meet a lot of friend from you….I don’t know how to say,

I really glad that you willing to share with me….

At here I wanna to say thanks and thanks again….^^

(ps: if got chance I really like to introduce my friends to you instead they din pro as ur fren or handsome….XD)

Thirdly, my lovely dear or sister also can~~XD(ps: don’t said that I’m less~)

I know these days happens a lot of things that have hurt a lot of us….

But you still stand beside me…

You know what I’m thinking,

I don’t know why, is it we both have been going through same situation at high school.

But anyway, thanks for everything…..

I know I know you sure will eat me this mushroom…

But wait, did you really will eat me this pretty mushroom???(ps: think my little cute face~)

Thanks for choosing trusting me but not pushing me….^^

Sharing the deeply secret and private things….

Thanks for willing to lend me your ear for mourn too~~XD

At last, thanks to all my BFF….

As I said you all really help me walk along this hard path…

Thanks for trusting me, helping me, whatever you all have done,

I really appreciate it a lot^^

I LOVE YOU GUYS~~

No matter what, my feeling still got affect by some stupid things….

But, I really glad and will be fine when u all stand by my side…

Cheer me up….

I swear to you all and to me….

The new me won’t let stupid things hang my feelings away~

Once again~

If I really can I would like to kiss you all~~

Hahaha~~~

Love ya guys~~~^____^

~THE TRUTH~

~Jenny Ai~

Now New

I’ve been through so many things….

So many problems that have been happen around me…

But just as usual…

I really tired to face all those problem…

I know that maybe I’m not the one who really can solve all those problems..

But I really wanna to help to solve it…

Sometimes I asking myself that why should I care what really happen?

But I sometimes I really want to fixed the problems…

Sometimes, somethings, you really can’t have a leg inside it…

Orelse there will have bad things happen….

Or maybe the you might be suffer…

Friends are being honest together and always….

But sometimes they also their private things….

Sometimes not all things that one person need to inform or tell their friends or even best friends….

Yes, let’s say being honest is a good things….

But the honest is depending on the situation….

Now let’s talk about believing…

As a friends there is a trustworthiness’ between it….

I mean not even friends, best friends also will be like that isn’t it??

If u really not trust on your friends,

Then is there still a reason to be a friend??

Just think about it…

If there is no trust between u and everyone…

What will happen in this world??

I’ve been sick for it….

Not such a same case happened to me and I’ll be afraid about it…..

I’ve been walking through it before,

And I really FEEL what it means…

Honestly, it’s really SUCKSS…

So is it I still need to let those things happen??

I don’t want coz it might be KILL one person life….

Instead I didn’t wrong why still I need to bow and felt sorry about it??

Sometimes is just not letting things go worse….

But for now??

Its just seems like I’m acting old me??

I just wanna to find my way back home….

To be MYSELF…

A new me….

This is University life,

There is no one will like their life being sucksss,

And me too,

Instead to let a small things to ruin my life???

If the same things happen to me….

As a secondary case replay it….

Then I just can say,

I’m sad to see a childish act,

And I’m sad to being a group with it….

Angry, Scolding, Teasing….

Is it all I really want??

I know I hate it….

That’s is why I don’t want have any comment on it….

And I will not and I should not explain anything….

Instead people wanna to believe then u believe it…

But if people try to ignore it….

Then I won’t try to explain all…

Instead I’m right…

I WON’T….

~THIS NOW~

~Jenny Ai~

Tired Life

I’m very very tired these days….
U know why???
Coz I’ve been 1 week long sleep at 4 in the morning….
Can u imagine how tired and headache am I???
Instead of assignment, I’m kind of hard to fall asleep…
I don’t know why but it seems like these days I really not happy and I’m in the condition of pressure and I have a bad temper….
But for the good things is that I at least can restrain the angry things and din let my bad temper spread it away….

I just want to say out my felling….
I felt like I’ve been cheating by you……
I don’t know why things will happen till like that…..
But at least can u be honest to yourself and be honest to me???
I hate my friend lying to me
That s my principal….no lying except that is a secrete…..
Instead being friend always lies and acts to each other….
You won’t be tired??
I WILL BE!!!!

I’m so disappointed to you now….
Why the same things will happen again and again???
Didn’t you just figure what is the problem with yourself??
Your attitude…..
I’m disappointed for your acting….
Your acting and changing….

I’m a little shock when I heard the news like that….
And I’m hurt too….
Everything makes me hurt deep inside my heart and haters to you
I don’t want the best condition will change to the bad…
I would like to fix everything but it seems like not my fault this time….
It’s yours…..

May I know why you want to act like that??!!!
Trying to have attention???
Or trying to own something and someone from your own friends???
Is it PRETENDING is more important that FRIENDSHIP???
Is it STRANGER is more worth than the TRUE FRIENDSHIP???
Or it’s just your act and you don’t even know about it???
You is the one who CONFUSING ME!!!!

I really tired for being go through the life like that anymore….
Really…..
Instead why I give you so many chances and it seems like…
Nothing change….
Then I shall not waste my time and vitality on you…..
I really try my best to let all the things looks good….
But….
Again and again…..
You hurt me DEEPLY and SILENTLY…..

And now,
It seems like a renounce choice left for me…
I’m HURT….I’m TIRED…..
I’m HATING….I’m CRYING…..
I’m DISAPPOINTED….
Those feeling shows that I care….
I care you as my friend….
But now,
As a friend, u just let my heart bleeding
AGAIN and AGAIN……
Is there still a gap for your breath???

~TIRED SOUL~
~JENNY~

Pretending...ASSHOLE!!!

Pretending and pretending again.....

is that what you so called "innocent" just as your act?

owhh.....im sorry.....i really dont know....how im supposed to know...

WHATEVER ASSHOLE!!!!

is that just your best to pretending all and iresponsible and throw the rubbish to other people....

letting people fixed your so called innocent rubbish!!!!

I hate you for shirking the responsibility to other people...

watch your mouth and watch for your act.....

saying people and laughing people at your friends back...

is your own friend!!!

or maybe in your heart the friend is just a doll for u to make use of...

or I'm not that best for you so called a friend???!!!

let's just go back to the previous time.....

you have been acting how lovely and such wonderfull you are...

and now...you just more selfish and you not even apprehensive how people feels.....

I've no seniority to talk about how good I'm..

but at least now I really know how bad you are and how fake it is

people change....the time change..

i know this....

but how come your attitude behind the mask is so so so sucksss

please dont pretend infront of me...

i will hate you,

I've never be that angry before...

and I dont know why..

coz I've trying my best to be your best friend

and I really wholeheartdeness to treat this friendship....

maybe I really cannot bear how suckss and fake you are...

really PRETENDING is it the best you can do??

maybe I need to "LEARN" something from you...

ASSHOLE, JERK....

or maybe not.....coz you are so damn disgusting to pretending...

no matter what have you been done to me....

I try my best to forgive and forget about it....

and now....I don't think that you done correct this time...

and maybe my restrain have no space for you....

I just got something to tell you....

for a such long time.....

I really like and want you to be my best friend....

coz I think that you are really good person....

you got help me before and many times.

but for a so long time have past,

I really realize that you have took away alot of my things....

thanks God that you've teach me how to be selfish....

and now.....

I really cannot see how you just pretending and be innocent....

and I can't even forget that how you take away my things my happines...

maybe you din recognise it....

but it's really mean alot to me...

I've try my best to forget all that things coz we are best friend (as I thought)

but now....I think that.....

the things that I owed you(helping), I've return it all back to you...

from now on we din owe each other anything....

and you, dont need to pretend infront of me anymore...

coz it's so disgusting....

Welcome to my world, my game. (NOT YOURS ANYMORE)

The RULE is......

My BFF will be the one who really treat me as best friend,

care about me(ps: instead of caring but not pretending)

no matter how far she or he is but not a recycle bin.....

thanks to remind me this "FRIENDSS"

~HATING~

~Jenny Ai~