Sunday, March 8, 2009

Desperate

2 March 2009 10.49pm

The sky fill with the star and it had lit it up with the moon. Always, it seems like they are friends forever and cannot be apart for each other. Even though the cloud will take the brightness of the star but it won’t take away the space for star which will always stay with the moon. Both of them have been a décor for the beautiful sky. Always……
(I wish upon it. Just wanna get such beautiful life……)

Did I really lie to myself? I really tired. What the effort that I’ve really put it up. But at last, at last, what I’ve get? Is this so called a reward for me? For the people who had been put all their effort to do something, to accomplish something?

I really don’t know why. It seems like unfair for me. Really, I don’t want have such feeling but it just can’t get out of my head. Is it the effort that I’ve pay out is not as much as theirs? But, I thought that I can possess what I’ve been really pay it off and can get more than that.

I’m sad and hesitate for it. I’ve try my best for everything, at least I really try for it. The truth is, the facts have torn me apart from it. It just seems like a past time living in my life. And now I wonder it’s been really hard and not worth. Future is better right?

I don’t want walk away from it or maybe I can’t. It sounds easy to convince someone walks out from the past but when u figures it out, it’s really been hard time. Why I’m hold on the past tense? The truth is I still scared, really scared.

Lie. So just lie to me its gona be alright and no worried for it. There always regret smile in my eyes, always. Maybe sometimes the fact show the crack in my life and it won’t be perfect anymore. Every crack means a lot for me. Just lie, hiding all the secret behind it.

I’ve been rather silence and stay at the night. I want to make it through the night. Just tell myself I will, always a lie behind it. The night, I don’t want to wake. There always a self-deception. The truth will show everything, and change everything. The light will guide us to do so….

Don’t want to believe this fact. Just let the night take it over and keep pretending it. Let the camera take the next shot and just, keep acting on the stage. Just let me stay in the dark one more night…..one…more……

~Desperate Soul~
Jenny

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